One thing that I hear often from my clients in doing our work together is the statement, “It’s easier to give in to my urges.” I won’t argue that sitting with an urge isn’t hard or uncomfortable, it most definitely is. But your brain telling you that it’s just easier to give in to your urge to watch porn is a lie.
This week, I’m introducing you to a concept called hard vs. harder. You might be framing your work to overcome porn with the question, “Is it going to be hard? Is it going to take too much energy and effort?” The truth is, it will be hard, but it’ll be even harder to continue to give in, to stay stuck for even a day longer, riddled with shame, feeling unproductive, lost, and lonely.
Join me this week as I invite you to choose a hard that gets you where you want to be. Making any habit change is going to guarantee discomfort, but I’m showing you how to call your brain out on the lie that it’s...
One thing my clients often tell me is that their urges feel especially challenging at certain times of day, days of the week, or even in certain places. Maybe you notice the urge to watch pornography on work trips, when your family goes out of town, or on a work break on a certain day of the week. This is completely normal.
Our brains are brilliant in that they remember instances of dopamine hits, but you don’t have to let your lower brain dictate your life. Although it feels like it, your urges aren’t dangerous and they aren’t a problem. And one practical skill that will make your urges easier to handle is planning ahead of time.
Listen in this week as I offer my tips for building the skill of planning ahead of time. You’ll discover why this is such an integral part of being intentional about how you live your life, what happens when decision fatigue kicks in, and what to look out for as you begin practicing planning ahead of time.
My guest on the show this week is one of my greatest teachers in this realm of sexuality. I honestly wouldn’t be doing the work I do today if I hadn’t had the opportunity to work with her, so I’m honored to have her here and excited for you to hear everything she has to share with us.
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a psychologist and teacher who helps people specifically in the LDS space who are working through their sexuality. She is the expert on coaching people in ways that allow them to be capable of both emotionally and physically intimate relationships, and this week, we’re diving into all the ways our sexuality can be a force for good.
If you currently believe your sexuality is morally wrong, or have bought into all the ways sexuality gets a bad rap, join us on this episode. Jennifer is dropping some serious gems around how we frame our human sexuality in unhelpful ways, the keys to creating an intimate partnership that feels amazing, and...
When it comes to overcoming unwanted porn use, how I often see my clients starting out this journey is with force. They approach this work by trying to intensely change who they are, making themselves comply with guilt and shame, and this simply doesn’t ever work in their favor.
Instead, this week, I’m inviting you to imagine that you’re healing a broken wound with love and patience. The root cause of porn use is different for everyone. Some start using it after a bad divorce or to deal with stress, and for others, it’s a lack of self-trust or a history of trauma. And in every case, healing is the answer.
Tune in this week as I show you how healing is the key to getting to the root of your porn habit. Overcoming pornography is not something you can force yourself through, and I’m showing you the reason so many people start here, and how it halts your progress.
If you’ve been thinking about joining Overcome Pornography for Good,...
Our sexuality as humans is a completely normal, natural part of development. And yet, something I’m always getting emails and questions about is the sexual shame that so many people experience, and it genuinely breaks my heart.
We have this beautiful part of ourselves that we can keep safe and sacred, and this week, I want to offer that you do not have to feel horrible about it. I watch the unnecessary suffering and the consequent problems sexual shame brings up, especially with pornography. So today, my message to you is that we are sexual beings, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Listen in this week as I urge you to drop your sexual shame, and learn why demonizing our sexuality leads to more problems. I’m showing you why this is the key to quitting porn for good, and how accepting your sexuality opens you up to so much more peace and calm.
If you’ve been thinking about joining Overcome Pornography for Good, this is your chance to sign...
If there’s one trap that keeps my clients stuck in their attempts to quit viewing pornography, it’s slipping up and staying there. They tell themselves quitting isn’t on the cards for them, that they’re addicted to porn, and that they can’t change.
A key component of the work I teach is all about how failure is required on your journey to quitting porn. But there are two types of failure that I see: one that helps you gradually get better by using failure as data, and one that has you not trying at all because you know failure is inevitable.
If you’ve heard me say you have to fail, and you’ve interpreted that to mean it’s not worth trying, listen in closely this week. I’m sharing the difference between progressive failure and justification failure, why practicing the former will have you surprised at how much faster you’ll be able to quit, and showing you how to apply this concept to other areas of...
For most of us, we’ve grown up with the message that failure in any capacity is to be avoided at all costs. We’re taught that failure is what keeps us from succeeding, so what I’m offering to you this week might be a little brain-scrambling, but stick with me.
In this episode, I’m inviting you to be willing to fail over and over again. The truth is that your success at quitting porn is literally built on your ability to fail and get back up to try again. The more tolerance you have for failure and slip-ups, the quicker you’ll succeed at overcoming the habit, and I’m showing you why this week.
Tune in this week to discover what failure tolerance means, and why it’s the key to success in any area of your life. I’m showing you what tends to happen when you resist and try to avoid failure, and why my clients who are willing to fail are the quickest to turn their lives around.
I have amazing news. If you...
If you currently believe you’ve struggled with porn for too long and that you’ll never be able to overcome it, this episode is your opportunity to find all the evidence you need for why you can quit. This week, I’m introducing you to my client, Quinn Felix, and he’s truly an example of what’s possible for you.
At 64, Quinn had struggled with porn for over 50 years, and his addiction affected his job, family, and everyday life. He used porn as a way to buffer over some difficult life events, and when he did try to quit, his attempts were riddled with willpower and white-knuckling. But his story is a journey from hopelessness to hope and a new life, and he’s letting us in on it all this week.
Tune in this week as Quinn exemplifies how your past is not a reflection of your future and what's possible for you to accomplish. He’s sharing how our work together has created breakthroughs and transformations for him, and how, at 64,...
As an entrepreneur, I’ve always cringed at the phrase “realistic expectations” because I believe that anything you truly want is 100% possible. But when you understand my take on realism, being “realistic” about our expectations for the future is critical for creating new results.
We so often overestimate what we can do in the short term and underestimate what we can do in the long term. So many of us unknowingly do this in all areas of our lives, and it’s leading to us quitting, living small lives, and creating more evidence that we aren’t the people who can achieve the goals we want.
Join me this week as I show you why staying in this cycle of unrealistic expectations is so problematic, and how to stop the cycle so you can move closer to the changes you want to see by taking small, realistic steps towards it consistently.
I have amazing news. If you want to take the work I’m sharing on the podcast deeper,...
Lindsay Poelman is back on the show this week, and she’s here to give us the lowdown on betrayal trauma. Lindsay is a coach who specializes in working with spouses healing from pornography, and trauma is often a huge focus that comes up in her practice.
If you’re unsure about what trauma means and what it can look like, you’re not alone. There are so many forms of trauma we can develop, and whether you’ve personally experienced betrayal trauma or not, she’s here to help us be more trauma-informed so we can better support ourselves.
Listen in this week as Lindsay gives us insight into the importance of recognizing and addressing betrayal trauma. After her own experience of it and discovering the tools that helped her heal, she’s here to offer tips for minimizing the extent of your trauma, and to light a path towards empowerment and trust.
Lindsay is going to be facilitating marriage calls in Overcome Pornography for Good every month in...