Episode 82: Loneliness

Uncategorized Aug 08, 2022

Loneliness is something that comes up for a lot of my clients as a reason for viewing porn. They feel lonely, and they want to escape it. So, if your brain is filled with thoughts of being alone forever, that you’re not enough for someone else, and you feel shame and self-pity around these thoughts, this episode is for you.

The truth is it’s possible to feel lonely and still have more productive thoughts about your situation. Loneliness isn’t fun, but so many people make it harder for themselves by thinking thoughts that only serve to make them feel even worse. So, in this episode, I’m showing you how to change the story around your loneliness, so you don’t need to turn to pornography for company.

Tune in this week to discover how the feeling of loneliness contributes to a pornography habit. I’m sharing the impact of the thoughts you have around your loneliness, how to recognize these thoughts when they come up, and I’m showing you how to...

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Episode 81: Maybe the Problem Isn’t You

Uncategorized Aug 01, 2022

While I was on a boating vacation with my family, I decided to go out paddleboarding. I immediately started spinning around in circles, going absolutely nowhere, and no matter how hard I paddled, I was moving backward. Frustrated and deflated, I told myself I was horrible at paddleboarding and that I sucked. 

That was until I figured out the rudder on my paddleboard was on backward. And it got me thinking, how does this apply to what all of you are experiencing? Because sometimes, the problem isn’t that you just suck. Sometimes, the problem is that you need to take a look at the systems and the way you’re going about where you’re trying to get. 

Join me to discover how, maybe, the problem isn’t you if you’re struggling to quit viewing pornography. You’ll hear my revelations from my paddleboarding experience that will apply perfectly to where you are right now, and how to start shifting the focus away from you. 

 

If...

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Episode 80: Past vs. Future Focus

Uncategorized Jul 25, 2022

There are two directions we can be focused in our life: past and future. Often, what we do as humans is we look to the past for validation that we’re capable of doing something in the future. However, this only works if we’re trying to accomplish something we’ve already done. So, if you’ve never quit porn permanently before, you need to become future focused.

Focusing on the future is the secret to creating any kind of success in your life, especially with regards to quitting porn. If you’ve made it three weeks without viewing pornography in the past, you know you can make it that long, but it doesn’t give you the belief your brain needs to envision quitting permanently. But the amazing news is you don’t actually need that past evidence. 

Tune in this week to discover why quitting porn is possible, even if you’ve never made it a day without viewing porn in the past. I’m sharing how to see why your past doesn’t define...

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Episode 79: Clarifying Confusion About Buffering

Uncategorized Jul 18, 2022

This week, I’m clarifying some confusion I’ve seen around the concept of buffering. Many of you understand what buffering means and how it’s showing up for you, but it’s something I’ve coached on a few times this last week, so I knew it would be worth bringing to the podcast to share with you too. 

So, where are you going wrong with buffering? My clients understand they’re viewing pornography to escape their negative emotions. But where they get stuck is what to do next with these emotions. The question I get most often is, “Well, how can I avoid those emotions so I don’t go to porn?” And the truth is this is entirely the wrong focus. 

Listen in this week as I clarify confusion about buffering and show you where you might be going in the wrong direction with it. I’m showing you the true reason you’re experiencing unwanted porn use, what it really takes to finally quit, and where buffering falls in all...

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Episode 78: Automatic Sexual Thoughts

Uncategorized Jul 11, 2022

So, you’re out in public or you’re watching a movie, and maybe you see someone in tight clothes. All of a sudden, a sexual thought or urge pops into your mind. For so many people, the fear of having an automatic sexual thought keeps them from being around other people, whether that’s going to the beach or the gym, but there’s a better way to handle it.

Fearing automatic sexual thoughts is not a fun way to live your precious life. If you’re afraid you’ll have a reaction you don’t want, or that you’ll freak out when it happens, you’re in the right place. The truth is this is a completely normal part of our human experience, and this week, I’m showing you how to shift your experience of your automatic sexual thoughts.

Join me this week to discover my three-step process for experiencing your automatic sexual thoughts in a different way. I’m laying out the most common mistakes people make around their automatic sexual...

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Episode 77: Neutralize

Uncategorized Jul 04, 2022

 

Many of my clients go through a cycle of experiencing extreme highs and lows in their emotions when it comes to quitting viewing pornography. They might feel on top of the world a week, a month, or two months into quitting, but then slip up, and inevitably fall into a spiral of feeling terrible about themselves. 

The key here is making the process lighter. To do that, we need to neutralize your porn habit. This means that instead of being on the rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows, we have to keep our emotions as close to neutral as possible because this is what will make quitting easier, quicker, and more effective. 

Listen in this week to discover the power of neutralizing your unwanted porn habit. I’m showing you why you can’t quit long-term from a place of indulging in dramatic, intense emotions, and how to generate emotions that will help you sustain not only quitting porn, but any habit you want to create in your life. 

If you’re...

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Episode 76: “I’ll Never Quit” Thoughts

Uncategorized Jun 27, 2022

We are addressing “I’ll never quit” thoughts this week. If you’re anything like my clients, the thoughts your brain loves to offer when it comes to overcoming pornography often sound like, “I’m never going to quit,” or, “I’m never going to figure this out.” But are these thoughts really true? 

How do you feel when you believe you’ll never be able to quit viewing pornography, or that your life will forever be ruined by this unwanted habit? Paralysis and fear are never far away, and actually quitting becomes almost impossible. However, the good news is these thoughts aren’t facts, and I’m showing you how to see the difference. 

Tune in this week as I show you how to examine your “I’ll never quit” thoughts so you can start chipping away at them. You’ll discover why these thoughts stop you from finding a solution to quitting pornography, and how to practice disproving these...

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Episode 75: Healing Wounds from Sexual Shame

Uncategorized Jun 20, 2022

This week’s topic is one that I address all the time in my coaching work with clients, in my emails, and right here on the podcast. It’s something I’ve brought up over and over again, and it’s a subject worth repeating and talking about in various ways. 

So many people are hurting, wounded, and suffering in silence from sexual shame. More and more people seem to be having a difficult time quitting viewing pornography and generally coming to terms with their sexuality, whether it be having sexual experiences with their spouse, or experiencing an urge while they’re out and about. Instead of this being normalized, too often, we’re told we need to be fearful of potentially slipping up.

These wounds are painful and harmful, and they aren’t necessary. If this is you, know that you deserve healing from that. In this week’s episode, I’m showing you how to become aware of the stories that are fueling your sexual shame, and how to...

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Episode 74: Pitfalls of Accountability

Uncategorized Jun 13, 2022

How many times have you told yourself that you’re going to quit viewing porn, and then don’t follow through? You tell yourself you’re not going to look at it, or that you’ll finally quit cold turkey one day, and yet, that day never seems to come. So, if your self-trust feels completely demolished, you’re not alone. 

Quitting porn is all about trusting yourself, but when having your own back feels unfamiliar, we seek external motivation. This is where accountability comes in. We’ve been testing out a six-week accountability group inside my program, but there are some pitfalls with accountability that I’ve observed, and I’m sharing them with you today. 

Join me this week if you’re currently seeking an accountability group or partner to help you quit porn. I’m offering why accountability is not the answer to finally figuring out your porn habit, and how to start building the muscle of self-trust so you can...

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Episode 73: What’s Possible with Sam

Uncategorized Jun 06, 2022

On this week’s What’s Possible interview episode, you’re hearing from my client Sam. His history with unwanted pornography is one I think so many of you, if not all of you, are going to resonate with, and even though you might not believe it right now, you’re going to leave this episode with hope that this habit doesn’t have to be your truth forever. 

If you’re currently attempting to use willpower, trying to ensure that you never slip up, and shame or guilt seems to be your default state, listen in. You’ll hear how Sam has tried everything from signing up for a 12-step process, going to dental school, and believing marriage would solve his urges, only to find that none of it worked. 

Listen in this week to discover why the work of overcoming pornography goes so much deeper than just addressing unwanted porn use. Sam is sharing how he no longer dreads his day-to-day life, and why he feels free to seek excellence in all aspects of...

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