Episode 117: Should Your Spouse Fulfill Your Sexual Needs? with Amanda Louder

Uncategorized Apr 10, 2023

Many of us have received the conditioning that men are typically the sexual ones in a relationship and that they have an insatiable sexual need that has to be satisfied. In the context of a monogamous relationship, the responsibility to fulfill that sexual need falls on the partner, but this belief often doesn’t create great results.

To dive into this topic, I’m talking to sex coach Amanda Louder. I often recommend Amanda to my clients so she is no stranger to the Overcome Pornography for Good program. She’s also the host of the Sex for Saints podcast, and she helps women learn to embrace their sexuality and love their sex life.

Listen in this week to hear why we have to reframe the belief that your spouse should fulfill your sexual needs. Amanda is sharing where this belief comes from, what you miss out on when you believe this messaging, and her top tips for what actually creates the best, most fulfilling sexual relationship.

 

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Episode 116: How to Control Your Sexual Urges

Uncategorized Apr 03, 2023

Many of us were taught to be terrified of our sexuality. It’s something we don’t talk about openly, and maybe you think of it as evil or dangerous. However, the truth is sexuality and urges are something you have, so does everyone else and they live with us forever. 

We spend our lives trying to control our sexual urges by building fences around them and hoping they stay contained. When our urges inevitably try to break through the fence, we yell, shame them, and continue to build more fences. But this isn’t the answer.

Listen in this week to discover how to control your sexual urges. I’m showing you how your sexuality can actually be your friend and companion, and why you don’t have to tame it by resorting to locking it away or hating it.

 

If you’re ready to do this work and start practicing unconditional commitment toward quitting your porn habit, sign up to work with me!

 

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Episode 115: What’s Possible with Thomas

Uncategorized Mar 27, 2023

Welcome to another What’s Possible episode. These are special episodes where I bring on amazing clients who have overcome pornography and let them share their stories. It’s one thing to learn the tools and begin applying them, but another to hear from people who have actually done it.

Thomas is a member of Overcome Pornography For Good and he struggled with porn on and off for 40 years. He decided he was ready to quit and did the work with our coach, Kat. He’s here to share his story and hopefully, impart his belief that you too can do it. 

Tune in this week to hear Thomas’s struggle with pornography use, and how his one-on-one work with Kat has transformed all areas of his life. He’s offering the tools that made the biggest difference to his porn use, how he made the decision to commit to the work, and how he’s now showing up as a serene person who is more intentional with his time both at work and at home. 

 

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Episode 114: The Shame-Blame Trap

Uncategorized Mar 20, 2023

 

When you feel shame around having viewed pornography, blame is never far behind. Whether you blame yourself and experience more shame or you find someone else to blame for what you’re going through, this is a trap many of my clients are stuck in when they first come to me. In this episode, I’m showing you how to break out of this shame-blame spiral.

Blame is often an effect of shame and the way to stop shaming yourself isn’t to blame others to move out of it. There is always a more true and compassionate way of looking at these circumstances and I’m showing you how in this episode.

Tune in this week to start the work of escaping the shame-blame trap. I’m sharing why, even though it’s difficult to talk yourself out of shame, you can move through it with compassion for yourself, without resorting to blaming others.

 

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Episode 113: Stop Fearing Urges (Replay)

Uncategorized Mar 13, 2023

 

This week, I’m sharing a replay of one of the most important episodes of this podcast to date all about one of the foundational things you need to understand if you want to quit viewing porn and never go back to it: urges.

People come to me absolutely terrified of their urges, believing that they’re totally unable to resist them. But the truth is, urges are just sensations in our bodies and we don’t have to indulge them. Just like toddlers throwing a tantrum, they aren’t actually dangerous, they won’t hurt you, and they’re not a problem. 

Tune in this week to discover why you don’t have to push your urges away or try to silence them. In fact, I’m encouraging you to start welcoming them in as much as you can. Like any new skill, there will be failures along the way. But when you are no longer scared of your urges, I promise, you’ll be able to approach them in a way that will completely change your life.

 

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Episode 112: Breathwork with Kat Jenkins

Uncategorized Mar 06, 2023

 

You may have heard me talk before about stop, drop, and breathe when you’re experiencing an urge to view pornography. Well, today’s episode is all about the breathing aspect of this calming mechanism so we can help your body get back online and you can feel a little more in control of your urges.

To discuss breathwork, I have a special guest, Kat Jenkins on the show. Kat is one of the coaches in Overcome Pornography for Good and she recently completed some certifications in breathwork. This is an extremely powerful tool and I’m excited to share with you how you can use it in your own life.

Tune in this week to discover what breathwork is and how it can help you quit viewing pornography for good. Kat and I are discussing how buffering with pornography impacts your nervous system, and how breathwork can bring ease and calm into your body when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

 

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Episode 111: Think in Years

Uncategorized Feb 27, 2023

 

When quitting pornography, people tend to take a very short-term view. You might be thinking that if you can just get through this week without viewing porn, then you’re on the right track. But the truth is, we need to look at the long term, and this requires that you stop thinking in weeks or even months, and start thinking in years.

I love this concept of thinking in years, and if you can apply it to your relationship with pornography, it will help you quit easier, faster, and without so much drama. So, if you’ve made it weeks or months without viewing porn but, after a while, you keep going back to it, this episode is for you.

Tune in this week to discover how thinking in years totally transforms how you see your progress when it comes to quitting porn. I’m sharing why thinking in years makes for more sustainable action than only looking at the short term, and how to benefit from the compound effect of implementing a long-term strategy.

 

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Episode 110: Loopholes That Keep You From Changing with Tina Gosney

Uncategorized Feb 20, 2023

 

This week, I’m sitting down with returning guest of the show, Tina Gosney. Tina is a Certified Family Relationship Coach who helps LDS parents who have a child leaving the church, and she’s also an incredible coach and asset in our Overcome Pornography for Good program.

Tina recently introduced me to a concept called loopholes around habit change that came from Gretchen Rubin’s research. Our brains are sneaky and will always bring up excuses to keep us in self-sabotage, so if you’re trying to quit viewing porn but often find that you are working against yourself, this episode is going to help you understand what your brain is trying to do so you can get ahead of it.

Listen in this week as Tina walks us through the 10 loopholes that keep you from changing. You’ll hear why you shouldn’t let these loopholes send you into a shame spiral if you relate to them, and how to start questioning the loopholes that your brain tries to offer you. 

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Episode 109: Feeling Desensitized

Uncategorized Feb 13, 2023

Have you ever found yourself feeling desensitized to porn and the process of trying to quit? You feel miserable, exhausted, and you simply just don’t care anymore. Maybe you feel numb viewing porn where you don’t feel good about it, but you also don’t feel bad or experience deep shame either. 

So many people believe the solution to feeling desensitized in this way is to shame themselves back into wanting to quit. But this has the opposite effect. This leads to a cycle of more crashing, burning, and binging, only to leave you feeling even more exhausted and numb. 

Join me on the podcast this week to discover what might be leading you to feeling desensitized, and my recommendations for what to do when you find yourself feeling this way. You’ll hear how to listen to your body’s signals in these moments, and why, when you do, you’ll be able to quit viewing porn so much easier and faster. 

 

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Episode 108: Pink Elephant and Intrusive Thoughts

Uncategorized Feb 06, 2023

How do you react when you have an intrusive thought about viewing pornography? You might try to ignore it, you might respond to it, or you might try to replace the thought with something else. However you’re currently reacting to these kinds of urges, I’ve got something new for you to try.

I saw a TikTok recently that illustrated the reality of intrusive thoughts as experienced by people with OCD, and it translates perfectly for how intrusive and automatic sexual thoughts play out in pornography use. So, in this episode, I’m sharing an exercise using a pink elephant to help you in those moments where you have an urge you can’t ignore.

Tune in this week for a simple exercise that will help you understand what’s going on in your brain when you have intrusive thoughts on a deeper level. I’m sharing why trying to stop, avoid, or question your intrusive thoughts will only make them worse, and how to instead accept them and let them pass.

 

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