Episode 31: "I Shouldn't Be Here"

Uncategorized Aug 16, 2021

 Last week, we dove into the power of accepting yourself and how those who do are able to quit pornography faster. In this episode, we’re taking this concept a step further by discussing one thought that keeps people from acceptance and keeps them in a shame cycle of buffering with porn. 

How many of you have had the thought along the lines of, “I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be struggling with this, I shouldn’t need to listen to this podcast or do this work”? You might think this is a fact as it relates to your porn habit, that everyone would agree this is a horrible place to be, but I’m offering an alternative perspective today. 

Join me on the podcast this week to discover how the thought, “I shouldn’t be here” keeps you stuck where you are right now. I’m inviting you to come at this thought with curiosity instead of resistance, and you’ll start to see what an amazing opportunity questioning...

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Episode 30: The Power of Accepting Yourself

Uncategorized Aug 09, 2021

There is one thing that all of my clients have in common: difficulty accepting themselves. They want to change, and that’s great, but the truth is, you can’t make a positive change in your life if you don’t accept yourself. And that’s the work I’m helping you with on this episode.

Now, you might be reading this thinking, “What? But if I accept myself, why would I be motivated to change?” You think that accepting yourself is in direct conflict with your desire to quit viewing pornography. But while it sounds a little counterintuitive, you need to stick with me here because so many of my clients have successfully overcome pornography by doing just that.

Tune in this week to discover the power of self-acceptance. I’m sharing why I know beyond any doubt that this is vital work in changing your pornography habit, how to understand the work you have to do in this area, and where to start with it.


I have amazing news. If you want to take the...

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Episode 29: How to Stop Fearing Feelings

Uncategorized Aug 02, 2021

When I discovered the work of coaching, everything I heard blew my mind. But one of the biggest lessons that completely changed my life is around how to really feel your feelings. Understanding this allowed me to change my life, and it’s going to help you overcome pornography for good.

As humans, we’re wired to do anything we can to avoid feeling our emotions, and this is exactly how a porn habit thrives. But if you listen closely this week and take action to stop fearing your feelings and instead be willing to truly feel them, the work of quitting porn becomes so much easier, and we’re taking a deep dive into how you can start this work right now.

Join me on the podcast this week as I share the seven steps I take my clients through to help them stop fearing their feelings and start feeling them instead. I’m sharing how our emotions play out when we resist them, how to gain awareness of those moments when you’re resisting, and why it’s impossible...

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Episode 28: Navigating Faith Challenges with Dr. Julie Hanks

Uncategorized Jul 26, 2021

 

I’m so excited to bring you this interview with Dr. Julie Hanks. She is a psychotherapist and an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She does so much work in helping members of our church work on their marriages, as well as helping people navigate their faith challenges.

I know that many of you struggle with your faith and are going through some challenges in this area, especially where porn use is concerned. This is something that comes up all the time in the coaching that I offer my clients. But these faith challenges don’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it's a natural part of developing and growing, and Dr. Julie Hanks is here today to discuss all of it.

Tune in this week as I ask Dr. Julie Hanks your questions about your own faith challenges. We’re discussing some difficult topics, why it’s okay to struggle and not agree with every aspect of the LDS doctrine, and how to decide for yourself what is...

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Episode 27: The Shame Apathy Trap

Uncategorized Jul 19, 2021

 

If you’ve been a listener here for any length of time, you’ve likely heard me talk about the destructive nature of shame everywhere in life, but especially when trying to quit pornography. The shame spiral not only leaves you feeling like there’s something inherently wrong with you, but it can lead to a sense of apathy.

This week, I’m introducing you to a concept called the shame apathy trap. It’s an insidious cycle that creates so much unnecessary pain and suffering when we’re not aware of it in action, so I’m showing you how it plays out and some tips to start getting a handle on it.

If you feel like you’re never doing enough in your attempt to overcome pornography, or you’re starting to feel like you don’t care anymore and that’s adding to your feeling of shame, listen in this week. The shame apathy trap can make us think we just need to care more and do more, but I’m showing you how that’s the...

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Episode 26: The #1 Key to Quitting Pornography

Uncategorized Jul 12, 2021

 As we grew up, the message we received was always that negative emotions are a problem and must be avoided. If we feel bad, we are taught that we must do whatever it takes to feel better, so it’s no wonder we don’t want to feel our feelings. But what if this is not true? What if we are supposed to feel these emotions?

So many of us are afraid of our feelings, but emotions are completely harmless - resisting them is harmful. If you are slipping up and struggling to quit using pornography, there is one reason why, and it is linked to your feelings.

In this episode, I’m sharing the #1 key to quitting pornography and showing you how to develop a skill that will allow you to accomplish great things in your life. I’m sharing the importance of feeling your emotions and why learning how to do this will completely change your life.


I have amazing news. If you want to take the work I’m sharing on the podcast deeper, I’m running a masterclass
called...

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Episode 25: What to Do if Your Partner is Struggling with Porn with Lindsay Poelman

Uncategorized Jul 05, 2021

I am so excited to bring you an interview this week with an amazing coach and friend of mine, Lindsay Poelman. I feel truly lucky to know her, and hearing from her today is going to give all of you some great insights into the work we do here on the podcast, especially if you have a partner who is struggling with porn use.

Lindsay Poelman is a coach who experienced firsthand the realities of having a partner who is battling a pornography habit. Now, she dedicates her work to empower women in their marriages regardless of what their husband is doing, or not doing. Whether your husband is viewing porn, has decided to quit, or has tried quitting and is struggling, Lindsay is here to help you live a life beyond what you perhaps believe is possible right now.

Join me on the podcast this week as I put your questions to Lindsay Poelman around what to do if your partner is struggling with porn. Lindsay is sharing the story of how she found coaching, the difference it’s made in her...

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Episode 24: Fear of the Future

Uncategorized Jun 28, 2021

 

Fear of the future is something that comes up so often for my clients and anyone with a pornography habit. They think to themselves, “If I look at porn, my life will be ruined.” And while it may seem like fear is the perfect motivator, I want to show you the dark side of overemphasizing this perspective.

I asked a bunch of you recently, what are you afraid of when it comes to pornography, and what does that fear cause you to act? The answers were incredibly eye-opening, and the actions people take only perpetuate the problem. But what I want for you is to take positive action towards quitting porn, so I’m sharing the reality of using fear as a motivator in today’s episode.

Tune in this week to discover why the fear that so many people feel around quitting porn is not the motivator you need if you want to break the habit. I’m sharing why love and hope will always take you further than fear and how you can work on overcoming any fear around porn,...

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Episode 23: Curiosity Vs Judgment

Uncategorized Jun 21, 2021

 

Every time you slip up and do something you told yourself you weren’t going to do, instead of just ignoring it and trying again, I always encourage my clients to go back, look at the situation, and get curious about what happened and answer some questions about it.

Curiosity is such a big part of breaking a habit like viewing pornography. But something that comes up with so many of my clients when they’re in the process of getting curious is they find themselves being very judgmental towards themselves, especially after slipping up and viewing porn after a period of abstinence. And this doesn’t help anyone.

Join me on the podcast to discover how to be more curious in your journey of overcoming pornography, and less judgmental. I’m sharing why curiosity will always move you through any process quicker than judgment, and what you can do to reframe those occasions when you do decide to view pornography despite trying to quit.

I’m running a live...

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Episode 22: Commitment Vs Motivation

Uncategorized Jun 14, 2021

 

When quitting porn, we often think we need discipline or commitment, as well as motivation. And a lot of people think these are actually the same things. But the truth is, motivation is not required. And if that sounds counterintuitive, you really need to listen in today.

Motivation doesn’t get you anywhere. Motivation doesn’t last, and truthfully, waiting on motivation will keep you from doing anything big, meaningful, or important with your life, and that includes quitting pornography. What you need is more commitment, and in this episode, I’m showing you how to cultivate the discipline and commitment required to change your pornography usage.

Join me on the podcast this week to discover the difference between commitment and motivation. I’m sharing my own story of cultivating more commitment and discipline in my life, and how you can apply this experience to reach your goal of overcoming pornography. This isn’t going to be easy, but it will be...

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