This week, I’m sitting down with returning guest of the show, Tina Gosney. Tina is a Certified Family Relationship Coach who helps LDS parents who have a child leaving the church, and she’s also an incredible coach and asset in our Overcome Pornography for Good program.
Tina recently introduced me to a concept called loopholes around habit change that came from Gretchen Rubin’s research. Our brains are sneaky and will always bring up excuses to keep us in self-sabotage, so if you’re trying to quit viewing porn but often find that you are working against yourself, this episode is going to help you understand what your brain is trying to do so you can get ahead of it.
Listen in this week as Tina walks us through the 10 loopholes that keep you from changing. You’ll hear why you shouldn’t let these loopholes send you into a shame spiral if you relate to them, and how to start questioning the loopholes that your brain tries to offer you.
Have you ever found yourself feeling desensitized to porn and the process of trying to quit? You feel miserable, exhausted, and you simply just don’t care anymore. Maybe you feel numb viewing porn where you don’t feel good about it, but you also don’t feel bad or experience deep shame either.
So many people believe the solution to feeling desensitized in this way is to shame themselves back into wanting to quit. But this has the opposite effect. This leads to a cycle of more crashing, burning, and binging, only to leave you feeling even more exhausted and numb.
Join me on the podcast this week to discover what might be leading you to feeling desensitized, and my recommendations for what to do when you find yourself feeling this way. You’ll hear how to listen to your body’s signals in these moments, and why, when you do, you’ll be able to quit viewing porn so much easier and faster.
If you’re ready to do this work...
How do you react when you have an intrusive thought about viewing pornography? You might try to ignore it, you might respond to it, or you might try to replace the thought with something else. However you’re currently reacting to these kinds of urges, I’ve got something new for you to try.
I saw a TikTok recently that illustrated the reality of intrusive thoughts as experienced by people with OCD, and it translates perfectly for how intrusive and automatic sexual thoughts play out in pornography use. So, in this episode, I’m sharing an exercise using a pink elephant to help you in those moments where you have an urge you can’t ignore.
Tune in this week for a simple exercise that will help you understand what’s going on in your brain when you have intrusive thoughts on a deeper level. I’m sharing why trying to stop, avoid, or question your intrusive thoughts will only make them worse, and how to instead accept them and let them pass.
Growing up, we receive the message that anger is bad and we should avoid it at all costs. But if you know what we do here, we’re all about neutralizing emotions in the name of healing. So, in this episode, we’re redefining how we look at anger and how best to deal with it.
What happens when we resist anger? You might be able to do this for a while, but inevitably you end up either exploding in anger, or it slowly turns into hopelessness. So, if you’ve been trying to resist or ignore those moments when you’re angry, or feeling any strong emotion, this episode will allow you to take a far more productive approach.
Tune in this week to discover what your anger is trying to tell you, and how to keep the focus on yourself as you work through anger that relates to other people. I’m sharing some stories from my own life about anger, why anger is just a package, and how to start unpacking your anger in a way that helps you let it go.
Something that comes up a lot in the coaching we do over here is people mistaking self-love for indulgence. Self-love is super important when you’re working on your thoughts and feelings, but people sometimes think that operating from self-love means you can do whatever you want and cut yourself some slack. So, it’s time to talk about the difference between self-love and indulgence.
The truth is, self-love is not indulgence. Sure, cut yourself some slack when you need it, but indulgence is actually the opposite of self-love. Indulgence looks like hiding and avoiding because you’re not showing up for yourself with true self-love. So, where can you show yourself more love and less indulgence?
Tune in this week to discover where you’re choosing indulgence over self-love and the important differences between the two. I’m sharing how our brains find it so difficult to show ourselves compassion and some thoughts you can try to show up with more self-love...
What stories do you have about yourself? Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you have a story that’s playing in your mind all the time of who you are, what you’re doing, and what you’re capable of. Sometimes, this story is extremely painful and creates a lot of negative results in our life. On top of that, it might not even be true.
If you have a painful story about who you are and everything you’ve done wrong, it’s impossible to feel good about yourself in a sustainable way. You’re just creating a cycle of negative emotion, negative action, and negative results. So, if you’re ready to tell a new story about yourself that isn’t influenced by shame and judgment, this episode is for you.
Tune in this week to dig deeper into your story of you. I’m giving you a practical exercise to get clear on the ways your story of you is leaving you feeling unworthy and shameful, so you can get clear on the facts of your story and how...
For many of us, the beginning of a new year is when we start talking about how much we want to change, our resolutions, and the new habits we want to build. However, before we do that, we need to take a close look at all the amazing things that have already happened.
So this week, I’m sharing a year-in-review exercise I love doing at the end of a year. It’s very simple, but if you carve out the time to do it, I promise, you will be in awe of where you are right now and excited about everything you are about to accomplish by the end of this year.
Join me this week to learn my year-in-review process and the importance of focusing on all of your noteworthy accomplishments from 2022. You’ll hear how this will set you up with the right energy to get going in 2023, and I’m also offering a visualization exercise that will help you begin imagining all the amazing wins you’re going to experience this year.
If you’re ready to do this work and start...
I was recently a guest on Michael Anderson’s podcast Everyday Impact. In each episode, he asks his guests one simple question: if there was one lesson you would share with the world on how you’ve built a life of meaning, what would it be? So, in this episode, I’m answering exactly that question for myself.
Because I’m the one being interviewed, you’ll hear about my experience learning my number-one lesson, my personal stories, how I work with my clients, and a bunch of other fun stuff that I’m sure you’ll find applicable to your own journey with quitting viewing pornography. Michael is a therapist with an amazing mind and a great heart, and I can’t wait for you to share in this conversation.
Tune in this week to discover my one lesson to the world. I’m discussing with Michael Anderson how change happens not when we’re shamed into a different behavior, but when we align ourselves with our values while loving and accepting...
When one person in a relationship has been viewing pornography, their partner can see this as a betrayal. In these situations, it’s common for there to be some hiding or lying on one side and potentially some betrayal trauma once the porn use has been disclosed. So, how can you create trust when these difficult relationship dynamics come up? Well, my guest this week is here to answer that exact question.
Geoff Steurer is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been helping couples and individuals repair and improve their most important relationships for over 20 years now. He focuses on helping couples recover from dealbreakers like infidelity, pornography use, and sexual addiction.
Tune in this week to discover how to start creating trust after betrayal trauma. Geoff Steurer is addressing the pain that occurs on both sides of the situation, what the porn viewer can do to heal themselves as they heal their relationship, and the power of coregulation as you move...
While there are lots of people out there bragging about losing weight or breaking other habits that aren’t serving them, there aren’t many people sharing their success with quitting pornography. This fosters a belief that quitting porn is impossible, or that you have to be stuck with this habit forever, and this is just not true.
This is why I love sharing success stories from my clients. Chaz is one of them, and he’s got so many great insights to share with us about his journey in this week's episode. There are specific challenges around quitting porn, especially if you’ve been raised in a conservative religion, and as a member of the LDS Church, Chaz did the work to challenge some of those narratives while continuing to keep his faith.
Join us this week as Chaz shares his experience of struggling with pornography and learning the skills of overcoming this habit, all while making it work within his faith beliefs. He’s sharing the trajectory of his...