Episode 22: Commitment Vs Motivation

Uncategorized Jun 14, 2021

 

When quitting porn, we often think we need discipline or commitment, as well as motivation. And a lot of people think these are actually the same things. But the truth is, motivation is not required. And if that sounds counterintuitive, you really need to listen in today.

Motivation doesn’t get you anywhere. Motivation doesn’t last, and truthfully, waiting on motivation will keep you from doing anything big, meaningful, or important with your life, and that includes quitting pornography. What you need is more commitment, and in this episode, I’m showing you how to cultivate the discipline and commitment required to change your pornography usage.

Join me on the podcast this week to discover the difference between commitment and motivation. I’m sharing my own story of cultivating more commitment and discipline in my life, and how you can apply this experience to reach your goal of overcoming pornography. This isn’t going to be easy, but it will be...

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Episode 21: Urge Flow

Uncategorized Jun 07, 2021

 

One question that always comes up for my clients around urges is what to do when your urges seem to keep coming back. Learning to process and allow urges is a big portion of the work I do with clients, but this urge flow means that the desire to view pornography is always going to return. And this is the point where living with the urge becomes even more difficult.

Now, when we are learning to process and understand your pornography habit, this urge flow is inevitable. So, in this episode, I’m preparing you for dealing with the thoughts and feelings that will come up for you when the urges you thought you had already dealt with start to resurface.

Join me on the podcast this week for a greater understanding of how your urges flow, and how to handle them when they come back time and again. You’ll discover how to live with the urge and analyze where it comes from, instead of getting caught up in negative thoughts because of your desire to view porn.

I have amazing...

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Episode 19: Sexual Shame

Uncategorized May 24, 2021

 

Sometimes when people are new to me, they wonder how I can be sex-positive while also helping people quit their porn habit. So, I think it’s important to dive into this a little bit today because shame around sexuality is the one thing that keeps most people going back to pornography time and time again.

Sexual shame is this feeling of profound responsibility and deep remorse that is experienced associated with thoughts and fantasies about sex. And especially if you’re from a conservative religious background, this might affect you more than others. And you guys know that I’m very spiritual and religious, so I’m going to speak to you in that light throughout this episode.

Join me on the podcast this week to discover where our sexual shame comes from, and why no matter how much of it you feel, it’s never going to help you quit viewing porn or anything else. Instead, I’m sharing where to focus if you want to quit porn, and giving you some...

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Episode 18: Self-Concept and Addiction

Uncategorized May 17, 2021

 

We’ve talked about describing your porn habit as an addiction before on the podcast. It’s so easy to categorize our behavior as an addiction, but the truth is, when we think we’re addicted, we leave ourselves feeling disempowered and without agency. And today, I think it’s important we discuss this topic as it relates to your self-concept.

Your self-concept has way more to do with your pornography usage than you might think. Just like you might think of yourself as socially awkward, you’re going to pick up on all of the awkward things you do, and even justify them to yourself as, “That’s just who I am.” And while that’s fairly harmless, when we do it with our porn habit, it makes solving for it really tricky.

Join me on the podcast this week to discover why describing yourself as an addict might be making overcoming pornography even more difficult than it already is. I’m sharing how I classify an addiction, and...

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Episode 17: What to Do When You Slip Up

Uncategorized May 10, 2021

“I messed up again…” I get messages from clients and listeners all the time saying something along these lines. People are confused about why it happened, and then they have difficulty processing the emotion that they experience after slipping up and viewing porn. If this sounds familiar, it’s time we get curious so that it’s less likely to happen in the future.

The truth is that how you react after slipping up is going to have a huge impact on whether you can quit pornography for good. So, if you think you’ve tried everything but you still find yourself going back to porn, I want you to listen in closely today as we question this thought that you’ve tried everything, and we come up with a plan that works for you and moves you forward in quitting this habit.

Join me on the podcast this week to discover what to do when you slip up. I’m discussing how to be the observer of what led to you viewing porn in the first place, and giving you...

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Episode 16: Deprivation

Uncategorized May 03, 2021

How many of you feel deprived when you resist the temptation to view pornography? Of course you do. The hard work of overcoming porn is not just ignoring your urges. All you have done is decide not to look at it. But you still want to look at it. And it’s this feeling of deprivation that is going to keep you going back time and time again.

If you have tried to quit porn in the past and never made it because you just feel so deprived, I want you to listen in closely because I believe my approach can help you quit for good while actually feeling comfortable and empowered in the process.

Tune in this week to discover why you have way more control over your desires than you might think. I’m sharing where the feelings of deprivation and desire come from, why your past attempts to quit porn have failed, and what you can do to give yourself some power in this situation and finally ditch the habit for good.

I have amazing news. If you want to take the work I’m sharing on...

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Episode 15: For When it's Really Difficult

Uncategorized Apr 26, 2021

There is no doubt about it; quitting pornography is an incredibly difficult thing to do. We know that nothing worth having comes easily, and because you’ve used porn to buffer against negative emotions for so long, there is so much discomfort to deal with when deciding to break the habit. But don’t despair because, in this episode, I’m showing you what to do when things get really hard.

Deciding you don’t want to look at porn is the easy part. It’s what comes after that makes it feel like hard work. However, the difficulty that will inevitably come up for you is what makes this process so amazing, and if you implement what I’m giving you in this episode, you’ll never see your urge to view porn the same way again.

Join me on the podcast this week to discover how to embrace the discomfort of quitting pornography. I’m showing you the stories we tell ourselves that stop us from even really trying to do something we know is going to be...

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Episode 14: Iceberg Emotions

Uncategorized Apr 19, 2021

 

I’ll preface this by letting you all know that I am not an iceberg expert. However, I do know that we only see 10% of an iceberg, while the rest of it lives out of sight. And the same is true of your pornography habit. There is always so much more going on that isn’t immediately obvious, so if we only work on that 10% we can see, there is always more waiting to come to the surface.

There are always emotions lurking deep inside of us that are responsible for the things we don’t like in our lives. So in this episode, I want to shed some light on how you can address these unresolved thoughts and feelings, and ultimately break them down so you can create the lasting change you want to see.

Join me on the podcast this week to discover what is lying beneath the surface of your porn habit. I’m sharing the emotions I see coming up for my clients that they never wanted to see were at play. And once you can get clear on what’s causing the behavior you...

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Episode 13: Physiology Vs Morality

Uncategorized Apr 13, 2021

If you’re someone who feels shame when you find yourself wanting to view pornography, this episode is for you. So many of my clients feel guilt and other negative emotions around their sexual urges. So, this week, we’re unpacking what these urges are, what they mean, and most importantly, what they don’t mean.

This happens most with people who grew up in a household where the topic of sex was taboo, but it can happen to anyone. The truth is that the desire to view pornography isn’t good or bad in and of itself. So, if you’re experiencing shame in this area, this idea of physiology versus morality is exactly what you need to hear.

Join me on the podcast this week to discover why we should never feel negative emotion around our sexual urges. I’m sharing why these impulses are a matter of physiology, not morality, and how to neutralize the urge in your mind, so you can deal with it in a way that feels more aligned with how you want to live your...

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Episode 12: Sin Vs Weakness

Uncategorized Apr 05, 2021

So far on the podcast, I’ve taught you a lot of the science behind habit-reformation and how your brain is working. But in this episode, I’m talking about your pornography habit from the perspective that really matters: God’s.

One thing I see with clients and listeners who are members of the LDS Church is that they’re told from a young age that porn is evil and they need to avoid it at all costs. So then, if you do start watching pornography, you inevitably feel terrible because what you’re doing is a sin in the eyes of Heavenly Father. And this is where the principle of Sin Vs Weakness comes in.

Join me on the podcast this week to discover the differences between sins and weaknesses in the eyes of God. And when you understand this difference, you will be in a much better position to decide whether your habit is really a sin, or whether it’s just an area of human weakness that every single one of us experiences in some form or another.

If...

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