Episode 57: Life-Changing Healing Mindset

Uncategorized Feb 14, 2022

When it comes to overcoming unwanted porn use, how I often see my clients starting out this journey is with force. They approach this work by trying to intensely change who they are, making themselves comply with guilt and shame, and this simply doesn’t ever work in their favor. 

Instead, this week, I’m inviting you to imagine that you’re healing a broken wound with love and patience. The root cause of porn use is different for everyone. Some start using it after a bad divorce or to deal with stress, and for others, it’s a lack of self-trust or a history of trauma. And in every case, healing is the answer. 

Tune in this week as I show you how healing is the key to getting to the root of your porn habit. Overcoming pornography is not something you can force yourself through, and I’m showing you the reason so many people start here, and how it halts your progress. 

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Episode 56: We Are Sexual Beings

Uncategorized Feb 07, 2022

Our sexuality as humans is a completely normal, natural part of development. And yet, something I’m always getting emails and questions about is the sexual shame that so many people experience, and it genuinely breaks my heart. 

We have this beautiful part of ourselves that we can keep safe and sacred, and this week, I want to offer that you do not have to feel horrible about it. I watch the unnecessary suffering and the consequent problems sexual shame brings up, especially with pornography. So today, my message to you is that we are sexual beings, and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Listen in this week as I urge you to drop your sexual shame, and learn why demonizing our sexuality leads to more problems. I’m showing you why this is the key to quitting porn for good, and how accepting your sexuality opens you up to so much more peace and calm. 

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Episode 55: Progressive Failure vs Justification Failure

Uncategorized Jan 31, 2022

If there’s one trap that keeps my clients stuck in their attempts to quit viewing pornography, it’s slipping up and staying there. They tell themselves quitting isn’t on the cards for them, that they’re addicted to porn, and that they can’t change. 

A key component of the work I teach is all about how failure is required on your journey to quitting porn. But there are two types of failure that I see: one that helps you gradually get better by using failure as data, and one that has you not trying at all because you know failure is inevitable. 

If you’ve heard me say you have to fail, and you’ve interpreted that to mean it’s not worth trying, listen in closely this week. I’m sharing the difference between progressive failure and justification failure, why practicing the former will have you surprised at how much faster you’ll be able to quit, and showing you how to apply this concept to other areas of...

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Episode 54: Failure Tolerance

Uncategorized Jan 24, 2022

For most of us, we’ve grown up with the message that failure in any capacity is to be avoided at all costs. We’re taught that failure is what keeps us from succeeding, so what I’m offering to you this week might be a little brain-scrambling, but stick with me.

In this episode, I’m inviting you to be willing to fail over and over again. The truth is that your success at quitting porn is literally built on your ability to fail and get back up to try again. The more tolerance you have for failure and slip-ups, the quicker you’ll succeed at overcoming the habit, and I’m showing you why this week. 

Tune in this week to discover what failure tolerance means, and why it’s the key to success in any area of your life. I’m showing you what tends to happen when you resist and try to avoid failure, and why my clients who are willing to fail are the quickest to turn their lives around. 

  

I have amazing news. If you...

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Episode 53: What’s Possible with Quinn Felix

Uncategorized Jan 17, 2022

If you currently believe you’ve struggled with porn for too long and that you’ll never be able to overcome it, this episode is your opportunity to find all the evidence you need for why you can quit. This week, I’m introducing you to my client, Quinn Felix, and he’s truly an example of what’s possible for you.

At 64, Quinn had struggled with porn for over 50 years, and his addiction affected his job, family, and everyday life. He used porn as a way to buffer over some difficult life events, and when he did try to quit, his attempts were riddled with willpower and white-knuckling. But his story is a journey from hopelessness to hope and a new life, and he’s letting us in on it all this week.

Tune in this week as Quinn exemplifies how your past is not a reflection of your future and what's possible for you to accomplish. He’s sharing how our work together has created breakthroughs and transformations for him, and how, at 64,...

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Episode 52: Realistic Expectations

Uncategorized Jan 10, 2022

As an entrepreneur, I’ve always cringed at the phrase “realistic expectations” because I believe that anything you truly want is 100% possible. But when you understand my take on realism, being “realistic” about our expectations for the future is critical for creating new results.

We so often overestimate what we can do in the short term and underestimate what we can do in the long term. So many of us unknowingly do this in all areas of our lives, and it’s leading to us quitting, living small lives, and creating more evidence that we aren’t the people who can achieve the goals we want. 

Join me this week as I show you why staying in this cycle of unrealistic expectations is so problematic, and how to stop the cycle so you can move closer to the changes you want to see by taking small, realistic steps towards it consistently. 

  

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Episode 51: Betrayal Trauma with Lindsay Poelman

Uncategorized Jan 03, 2022

Lindsay Poelman is back on the show this week, and she’s here to give us the lowdown on betrayal trauma. Lindsay is a coach who specializes in working with spouses healing from pornography, and trauma is often a huge focus that comes up in her practice.

If you’re unsure about what trauma means and what it can look like, you’re not alone. There are so many forms of trauma we can develop, and whether you’ve personally experienced betrayal trauma or not, she’s here to help us be more trauma-informed so we can better support ourselves. 

Listen in this week as Lindsay gives us insight into the importance of recognizing and addressing betrayal trauma. After her own experience of it and discovering the tools that helped her heal, she’s here to offer tips for minimizing the extent of your trauma, and to light a path towards empowerment and trust. 

Lindsay is going to be facilitating marriage calls in Overcome Pornography for Good every month in...

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Episode 50: How to Follow Through with Your New Year’s Goals

Uncategorized Dec 27, 2021

The New Year is only a few days away, and I personally love this time of year. There’s this surge of energy that has us setting goals, thinking about brand new beginnings, and recommitting to the kind of life we want, and we really want to harness and use this energy to our benefit. 

If your goal by the end of 2022 is to quit viewing porn, I’m helping you stay committed to it and make it a reality. The excitement and enthusiasm of the New Year often fizzle out not long into it, but I’m giving you a few tools today that will have you following through, even when you’re not motivated.

Join me on the podcast this week as I share 5 of my best tips for staying committed to your New Year’s goals. I’m showing you why so many people quit on themselves, what progress really looks like versus what you think it should look like, and how to use the New Year energy to your advantage. 

My program is open for December and this is your last chance to...

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Episode 49: Pillar Four: Becoming a New Person

Uncategorized Dec 20, 2021

This week, I want to paint a picture of someone who is more than simply learning to quit porn. Quitting porn is an amazing and worthwhile goal of course, but I want you to know that it’s so much more than that because you are becoming a new person.

This is our final pillar of the four-part series we've covered in recent weeks, and it’s a natural step that happens as you go through the process of shifting the porn habit. Too often, people are focused on the surface-level changes they see, but you’re truly adopting a new identity along the way, and this requires some awareness and conscious effort.

Listen in to discover the identity shift you are undergoing as you learn to quit porn. Becoming a new person is part and parcel of this work, but I’m showing you how to give yourself the permission to do so, and the only difference between who you are now and who you want to be. 

My program is open for December and this is your last chance to get into...

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Episode 48: Pillar Three: Emotional Regulation

Uncategorized Dec 13, 2021

This might be surprising if you’re new to this work, but did you know your unwanted porn use isn’t because your sex drive is out of control? Whether it’s viewing porn or any other coping mechanism that isn’t serving you, like overeating or overdrinking, it’s only because you’re trying to escape a feeling. This is the best news ever!

If you’re anything like me, you were probably taught to hide your difficult emotions and to instead be happy and positive at all times. This is such a common experience, but it leaves us not knowing how to be honest with ourselves about how we feel, and leads to unhealthy forms of emotional regulation.

Join me this week to discover why, without learning the skill of emotional regulation, quitting pornography will be impossible. I’m showing you why being able to sit with your feelings is the key to creating anything you want in life, and I’m sharing my best tips and tools to help you begin...

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