Episode 52: Realistic Expectations

Uncategorized Jan 10, 2022

As an entrepreneur, I’ve always cringed at the phrase “realistic expectations” because I believe that anything you truly want is 100% possible. But when you understand my take on realism, being “realistic” about our expectations for the future is critical for creating new results.

We so often overestimate what we can do in the short term and underestimate what we can do in the long term. So many of us unknowingly do this in all areas of our lives, and it’s leading to us quitting, living small lives, and creating more evidence that we aren’t the people who can achieve the goals we want. 

Join me this week as I show you why staying in this cycle of unrealistic expectations is so problematic, and how to stop the cycle so you can move closer to the changes you want to see by taking small, realistic steps towards it consistently. 

  

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Episode 51: Betrayal Trauma with Lindsay Poelman

Uncategorized Jan 03, 2022

Lindsay Poelman is back on the show this week, and she’s here to give us the lowdown on betrayal trauma. Lindsay is a coach who specializes in working with spouses healing from pornography, and trauma is often a huge focus that comes up in her practice.

If you’re unsure about what trauma means and what it can look like, you’re not alone. There are so many forms of trauma we can develop, and whether you’ve personally experienced betrayal trauma or not, she’s here to help us be more trauma-informed so we can better support ourselves. 

Listen in this week as Lindsay gives us insight into the importance of recognizing and addressing betrayal trauma. After her own experience of it and discovering the tools that helped her heal, she’s here to offer tips for minimizing the extent of your trauma, and to light a path towards empowerment and trust. 

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Episode 50: How to Follow Through with Your New Year’s Goals

Uncategorized Dec 27, 2021

The New Year is only a few days away, and I personally love this time of year. There’s this surge of energy that has us setting goals, thinking about brand new beginnings, and recommitting to the kind of life we want, and we really want to harness and use this energy to our benefit. 

If your goal by the end of 2022 is to quit viewing porn, I’m helping you stay committed to it and make it a reality. The excitement and enthusiasm of the New Year often fizzle out not long into it, but I’m giving you a few tools today that will have you following through, even when you’re not motivated.

Join me on the podcast this week as I share 5 of my best tips for staying committed to your New Year’s goals. I’m showing you why so many people quit on themselves, what progress really looks like versus what you think it should look like, and how to use the New Year energy to your advantage. 

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Episode 49: Pillar Four: Becoming a New Person

Uncategorized Dec 20, 2021

This week, I want to paint a picture of someone who is more than simply learning to quit porn. Quitting porn is an amazing and worthwhile goal of course, but I want you to know that it’s so much more than that because you are becoming a new person.

This is our final pillar of the four-part series we've covered in recent weeks, and it’s a natural step that happens as you go through the process of shifting the porn habit. Too often, people are focused on the surface-level changes they see, but you’re truly adopting a new identity along the way, and this requires some awareness and conscious effort.

Listen in to discover the identity shift you are undergoing as you learn to quit porn. Becoming a new person is part and parcel of this work, but I’m showing you how to give yourself the permission to do so, and the only difference between who you are now and who you want to be. 

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Episode 48: Pillar Three: Emotional Regulation

Uncategorized Dec 13, 2021

This might be surprising if you’re new to this work, but did you know your unwanted porn use isn’t because your sex drive is out of control? Whether it’s viewing porn or any other coping mechanism that isn’t serving you, like overeating or overdrinking, it’s only because you’re trying to escape a feeling. This is the best news ever!

If you’re anything like me, you were probably taught to hide your difficult emotions and to instead be happy and positive at all times. This is such a common experience, but it leaves us not knowing how to be honest with ourselves about how we feel, and leads to unhealthy forms of emotional regulation.

Join me this week to discover why, without learning the skill of emotional regulation, quitting pornography will be impossible. I’m showing you why being able to sit with your feelings is the key to creating anything you want in life, and I’m sharing my best tips and tools to help you begin...

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Episode 47: Pillar Two: Mindful Urge Management

Uncategorized Dec 06, 2021

The urge to view porn is something that so many people fear. They live their lives hoping and crossing their fingers that they don’t feel a strong urge, shaming themselves if it does come up, and they think willpower and gritting their teeth is the only way to manage it. 

This is where mindful urge management comes in. The idea here is all about learning to manage urges in a way that will help you, instead of making them worse, having it be your worst nightmare and something that makes you feel completely out of control. Because as soon as you discover how to mindfully manage your urges, you won’t have to be at the mercy of them anymore. 

Tune in this week as I share my 4 tips for learning how to mindfully manage your urges. I’m showing you why you might be feeling stuck in a cycle of willpower energy right now, and what it means to just allow your urges to exist so you truly don’t have to be afraid of them. 

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Episode 46: Pillar One: Shame-Free Commitment

Uncategorized Nov 29, 2021

There are four pillars to consider when it comes to quitting porn, and I’m spending the next four episodes discussing each of them. So this week is the first pillar: shame-free commitment. Many of you have the commitment part down, but you’re missing the shame-free part, which actually makes it impossible to keep up with your commitment.

Many times, people say they’re committed to quitting porn, but having commitment doesn’t mean you’re excited about it or you’re going to be 100% perfect. This work is going to be difficult, and the hardest part will be avoiding that feeling of shame that keeps you going back to the comfort of pornography time after time. So in this episode, I’m sharing the secrets to cultivating shame-free commitment.

Tune in this week to discover how to develop the true shame-free commitment required for overcoming pornography. I’m sharing the conditioning and limiting beliefs that keep people stuck in their porn...

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Episode 45: Overindulgence

Uncategorized Nov 22, 2021

In our modern-day lifestyles of over-consuming and overindulging, saying no to what we want feels uncomfortable, and sometimes even wrong. But not satisfying your desire, whether that’s for food, porn, or anything else, could be getting in the way of your true happiness and wellbeing.

In purity culture, men are conditioned to believe they need a certain amount of sexual stimuli and that they deserve it, while women are taught that it’s their job to fulfill that desire. This messaging is so harmful, but it’s no surprise that then, having our urges fulfilled feels so important, and exercising restraint is far from ideal.

Join me this week as I show you the price you pay when you choose the short-term pleasure of overindulgence over your long-term wellbeing. I’m offering that it’s not only safe and loving to say no, but that it could even be beneficial to feel an unanswered desire.

 

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Episode 44: Lenses

Uncategorized Nov 15, 2021

We all have on a particular set of lenses that create our perception of life and the world. Much like actual lenses in the glasses that we wear, they tint everything we see. Life always looks a little different in differently colored ones, as well as when we take them off completely.

Right now, it might feel so true to you that you can’t overcome your pornography habit, that you’re terrible with money, or that you suck at keeping a schedule. But seeing life through this lens is only giving you more evidence of how this is your reality, so what if we tried on different ones? 

Join me this week as I introduce you to a mind-blowing concept that will teach you how to see yourself and the world around you differently. You don’t have to believe what your lenses are showing you right now, and you can choose to switch them up if you want, and I’m showing you how.

 

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Episode 43: The Observer

Uncategorized Nov 08, 2021

How many times have you convinced yourself that you can’t quit pornography, or you’ve tried too many times, or this is too difficult? So often, we have thoughts that we automatically believe, and we don’t ever stop to question them. We don’t realize that they are just thoughts; we believe them to be facts.

When we take a step back and pay attention to our thoughts, we can become the observer. Developing an awareness of your thoughts without believing or judging them is crucial in making a change in any area of your life, and when you apply this skill to quitting pornography, it is life-changing.

Join me this week as I’m showing you how to become the observer of your thoughts and how doing so will enable you to change your pornography habit. Being the observer will teach you so many things about your porn habit that you need to know, so I’m showing you how to observe yourself and stop believing everything your brain is telling you.


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