Episode 97: When You Don’t Believe You Can Do It

Uncategorized Nov 21, 2022

When you have a big, lofty goal like quitting porn, but you don’t truly believe you can do it, how do you move forward? When we go after something new, it’s common to have a looming monster in the background telling us, “You can’t do that.” Well, this episode is all about what to do in those moments when you can’t shake the self-doubt.

The truth is, having a goal that you are intimidated by isn’t a bad thing. In fact, in my opinion, this is the best, most exciting way to live. Living outside of our comfort zone is how we accomplish amazing things. So, if you’re listening to this podcast because you hope you can quit porn, but you’re not sure exactly what that process might look like, you’re in the right place.

Tune in this week to discover what to do when you don’t believe you can do it. We’re talking about this in relation to quitting porn, but you can apply this logic to any goal you’re pursuing....

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Episode 96: Emotion Doc: Radical Acceptance

Uncategorized Nov 14, 2022

So many people who are struggling with unwanted porn use believe that if they allowed themselves to feel acceptance of where they are right now, they would immediately start justifying their actions and therefore won’t try to change. But what I have found is that the opposite is true.

Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This is what radical acceptance means. Practicing radical acceptance won’t mean you’ll stay stuck, it's what will fuel the change you want. So this week, I’m offering my favorite sentences that you can add to your Emotion Doc to help you access this emotion.

Join me on this episode to discover what radical acceptance means, what it looks like in practice, the energy radical acceptance will bring to the actions you take, and how to practice feeling this emotion on purpose using the Emotion Doc.

If you’re ready to do this work and start practicing...

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Episode 95: Emotion Doc: Certainty

Uncategorized Nov 07, 2022

This week, I’m introducing you to a great tool you’re going to want to start using immediately. If you’re a regular listener here, you’ll already know that emotions are one of the most underrated fuels for your actions, and just like the food you put in your body, pursuing any goal requires the right emotion to help you do that.

I’m talking specifically about the emotion of certainty today, which is one I love, especially when it comes to accomplishing a goal like quitting pornography. We have the ability to access any emotion, but to do that, you need to figure out the thoughts, sentences, and visualizations that will help you. The great news is I have a tool called the Emotion Doc that does just that.

Join me this week to hear what my Emotion Doc entails, and how you can apply it to any emotion you want to try on. I’m sharing the thoughts that help me access certainty and one vital question to ask yourself as you consider accessing certainty,...

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Episode 94: Nurture vs. Numbing

Uncategorized Oct 31, 2022

I recently spoke with a client who was going through a rough transition period at work. He wanted to figure out how he could feel the emotions he was experiencing without getting bogged down by them or turning to pornography when I asked, “What are you doing to nurture yourself through it?”

The truth is that turning to pornography is not the only option available when you’re feeling stressed, under pressure, or anything else. There are so many ways for you to nurture yourself through a difficult time instead of turning to numbing or escaping, and the great news is that you can absolutely create a plan for it.

Join me this week to discover the difference between nurturing yourself and numbing. You’ll hear some questions you can ask yourself to identify what you need most in moments when you are tempted to numb with pornography, and why nurturing yourself is not the same as running away from your emotions. 

If you’re ready to do this work and start...

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Episode 93: Out of Control

Uncategorized Oct 24, 2022

When clients come to me for help quitting porn, they often feel out of control, like they have no power over their pornography use. This is a feeling that generally comes from not having a deep understanding of the science behind the habit, but there is also another place it comes from.

Even if you do understand what’s going on in your brain, it can be too painful to accept your desires, meaning you’re not being honest with yourself. But when you’re able to see past the shame and embarrassment, you’re able to start the process of gaining control over your porn use.

Tune in this week to discover what is really creating the feeling that your porn habit is out of control. Whether you’re feeling shame around your porn use, or you just don’t understand it, I’m showing you why it’s okay to have bad habits, as long as we acknowledge them, and I’m giving you everything you need to know to show up with integrity and...

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Episode 92: Retrain Your Brain

Uncategorized Oct 17, 2022

Last week, we dove into the reward system in our brain that produces a seemingly automatic urge or over-desire for pornography. I touched on the subconscious training of our brains to seek out dopamine-producing substances, whether that be porn (or sugar in my case), and I promised you a way to retrain your brain out of that over-desire. 

You might have been told that you’ll have to live with your urges forever, but the great news is that’s just not true. Just as you trained your brain to want or expect pornography at certain times or places, you can retrain your brain out of that over-desire. So, how do we do that?

Join me this week as I show you how to retrain your brain, and what this retraining of your brain will require of you. You’ll discover why, while retraining your brain can be simple, it won’t necessarily be easy, and some important considerations to keep in mind as you practice this process.

If you’re ready to do this work and...

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Episode 91: Reward System and Over-Desire

Uncategorized Oct 10, 2022

I received a question in the Overcome Pornography for Good program this week during one of our coaching sessions. Someone asked, “I don’t know what I’m buffering from. Is it possible that this can just be a habit and not just a buffer every time?" And my answer was yes. 

We want to be aware if we’re buffering, but there is something else at play if you find yourself craving and desiring pornography. The great news is your brain isn’t broken. It’s simply doing its job, and in this episode, you’re going to find out the role of the reward system in our brains that might be creating over-desire in your life. 

Join me this week to discover how the reward system in our brains has been vital to our survival, and why it’s become a modern-day problem. I’m showing you why we don’t have to be at the mercy of our brain’s reward system, and how to recognize that your craving for porn is no different from any other...

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Episode 90: Research on Shame with Ryan Hewitt

Uncategorized Oct 03, 2022

I’m back this week with the third and final installment of my interview with Ryan Hewitt. He’s currently writing his dissertation and conducting pioneering research on pornography use in religious individuals, and on this episode, we’re diving into the topic of shame.

If you’ve been a long-time listener here, you will have heard me say that shame never helps you move forward. While faith is often the source of shame and moral incongruence for many of you, Ryan has discovered that faith can actually be the answer to shame, and we’re exploring how using this lens can be very effective in getting to the root issue.

Join us this week as Ryan offers his research and findings on beginning to understand shame in a new way. We’re discussing the difference between guilt and shame, the dangers of equating these two emotions, and what you can do to combat shame, instead of continuing to feed it.

If you are a male between the ages of 18 and 29 and identify...

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Episode 89: Research on Moral Incongruence with Ryan Hewitt

Uncategorized Sep 26, 2022

We are back and continuing the discussion with Ryan Hewitt on the continuing research around pornography use, this week all about moral incongruence. Ryan is in the midst of doing important research around pornography and religious individuals, and he’s on the cutting edge of so much new information and understanding.

Problems around pornography due to moral incongruence are incredibly common. We discussed last week how a pornography habit is seen as compulsive, rather than an addiction. Well, when we bring moral incongruence into the mix, it gets more stressful. People who have a strong conviction regarding pornography are particularly prone to experiencing this moral incongruence, and it ends up feeling terrible.

Tune in this week for a deeper understanding of the psychological tension that keeps people going back to porn time and time again. We’re discussing why simply changing the behavior of viewing porn isn’t going to help with the discomfort of moral...

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Episode 88: Research on Addiction with Ryan Hewitt

Uncategorized Sep 19, 2022

This week’s episode is an incredibly special one. Ryan Hewitt is a researcher who is currently doing his dissertation on addiction and pornography, specifically in Christians. He reached out to me because there has been a lot of emerging research around porn that supports my process, and he’s here to share that with us over the next few weeks. 

Ryan and I decided to do a three-part series of interviews, and in this first episode, we’re diving into the research on addiction and porn use. You might not be surprised to hear that in the context we discuss, there’s a decreased likelihood of talking about questions, concerns, and issues regarding the realm of sexuality, and this compelled Ryan to dig into one of the most obvious and glaring arenas: pornography.

Join us in this episode as Ryan shares his fascinating research on addiction and porn. You’ll discover how, in many cases, perceived addiction around porn is rooted in an internal battle...

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