Welcome to another What’s Possible episode. These are special episodes where I bring on amazing clients who have overcome pornography and let them share their stories. It’s one thing to learn the tools and begin applying them, but another to hear from people who have actually done it.

Thomas is a member of Overcome Pornography For Good and he struggled with porn on and off for 40 years. He decided he was ready to quit and did the work with our coach, Kat. He’s here to share his story and hopefully, impart his belief that you too can do it. 

Tune in this week to hear Thomas’s struggle with pornography use, and how his one-on-one work with Kat has transformed all areas of his life. He’s offering the tools that made the biggest difference to his porn use, how he made the decision to commit to the work, and how he’s now showing up as a serene person who is more intentional with his time both at work and at home. 

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When you feel shame around having viewed pornography, blame is never far behind. Whether you blame yourself and experience more shame or you find someone else to blame for what you’re going through, this is a trap many of my clients are stuck in when they first come to me. In this episode, I’m showing you how to break out of this shame-blame spiral.

Blame is often an effect of shame and the way to stop shaming yourself isn’t to blame others to move out of it. There is always a more true and compassionate way of looking at these circumstances and I’m showing you how in this episode.

Tune in this week to start the work of escaping the shame-blame trap. I’m sharing why, even though it’s difficult to talk yourself out of shame, you can move through it with compassion for yourself, without resorting to blaming others.

If you’re ready to do this work and start practicing unconditional commitment toward quitting your porn habit, ...

This week, I’m sharing a replay of one of the most important episodes of this podcast to date all about one of the foundational things you need to understand if you want to quit viewing porn and never go back to it: urges.

People come to me absolutely terrified of their urges, believing that they’re totally unable to resist them. But the truth is, urges are just sensations in our bodies and we don’t have to indulge them. Just like toddlers throwing a tantrum, they aren’t actually dangerous, they won’t hurt you, and they’re not a problem. 

Tune in this week to discover why you don’t have to push your urges away or try to silence them. In fact, I’m encouraging you to start welcoming them in as much as you can. Like any new skill, there will be failures along the way. But when you are no longer scared of your urges, I promise, you’ll be able to approach them in a way that will completely change your life.

If...

You may have heard me talk before about stop, drop, and breathe when you’re experiencing an urge to view pornography. Well, today’s episode is all about the breathing aspect of this calming mechanism so we can help your body get back online and you can feel a little more in control of your urges.

To discuss breathwork, I have a special guest, Kat Jenkins on the show. Kat is one of the coaches in Overcome Pornography for Good and she recently completed some certifications in breathwork. This is an extremely powerful tool and I’m excited to share with you how you can use it in your own life.

Tune in this week to discover what breathwork is and how it can help you quit viewing pornography for good. Kat and I are discussing how buffering with pornography impacts your nervous system, and how breathwork can bring ease and calm into your body when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

If you’re ready to do this work and start practicing...

When quitting pornography, people tend to take a very short-term view. You might be thinking that if you can just get through this week without viewing porn, then you’re on the right track. But the truth is, we need to look at the long term, and this requires that you stop thinking in weeks or even months, and start thinking in years.

I love this concept of thinking in years, and if you can apply it to your relationship with pornography, it will help you quit easier, faster, and without so much drama. So, if you’ve made it weeks or months without viewing porn but, after a while, you keep going back to it, this episode is for you.

Tune in this week to discover how thinking in years totally transforms how you see your progress when it comes to quitting porn. I’m sharing why thinking in years makes for more sustainable action than only looking at the short term, and how to benefit from the compound effect of implementing a long-term strategy.

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This week, I’m sitting down with returning guest of the show, Tina Gosney. Tina is a Certified Family Relationship Coach who helps LDS parents who have a child leaving the church, and she’s also an incredible coach and asset in our Overcome Pornography for Good program.

Tina recently introduced me to a concept called loopholes around habit change that came from Gretchen Rubin’s research. Our brains are sneaky and will always bring up excuses to keep us in self-sabotage, so if you’re trying to quit viewing porn but often find that you are working against yourself, this episode is going to help you understand what your brain is trying to do so you can get ahead of it.

Listen in this week as Tina walks us through the 10 loopholes that keep you from changing. You’ll hear why you shouldn’t let these loopholes send you into a shame spiral if you relate to them, and how to start questioning the loopholes that your brain tries to offer you. 

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Have you ever found yourself feeling desensitized to porn and the process of trying to quit? You feel miserable, exhausted, and you simply just don’t care anymore. Maybe you feel numb viewing porn where you don’t feel good about it, but you also don’t feel bad or experience deep shame either. 

So many people believe the solution to feeling desensitized in this way is to shame themselves back into wanting to quit. But this has the opposite effect. This leads to a cycle of more crashing, burning, and binging, only to leave you feeling even more exhausted and numb. 

Join me on the podcast this week to discover what might be leading you to feeling desensitized, and my recommendations for what to do when you find yourself feeling this way. You’ll hear how to listen to your body’s signals in these moments, and why, when you do, you’ll be able to quit viewing porn so much easier and faster. 

If you’re ready to do this work...

How do you react when you have an intrusive thought about viewing pornography? You might try to ignore it, you might respond to it, or you might try to replace the thought with something else. However you’re currently reacting to these kinds of urges, I’ve got something new for you to try.

I saw a TikTok recently that illustrated the reality of intrusive thoughts as experienced by people with OCD, and it translates perfectly for how intrusive and automatic sexual thoughts play out in pornography use. So, in this episode, I’m sharing an exercise using a pink elephant to help you in those moments where you have an urge you can’t ignore.

Tune in this week for a simple exercise that will help you understand what’s going on in your brain when you have intrusive thoughts on a deeper level. I’m sharing why trying to stop, avoid, or question your intrusive thoughts will only make them worse, and how to instead accept them and let them pass.

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Growing up, we receive the message that anger is bad and we should avoid it at all costs. But if you know what we do here, we’re all about neutralizing emotions in the name of healing. So, in this episode, we’re redefining how we look at anger and how best to deal with it.

What happens when we resist anger? You might be able to do this for a while, but inevitably you end up either exploding in anger, or it slowly turns into hopelessness. So, if you’ve been trying to resist or ignore those moments when you’re angry, or feeling any strong emotion, this episode will allow you to take a far more productive approach.

Tune in this week to discover what your anger is trying to tell you, and how to keep the focus on yourself as you work through anger that relates to other people. I’m sharing some stories from my own life about anger, why anger is just a package, and how to start unpacking your anger in a way that helps you let it go.

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Something that comes up a lot in the coaching we do over here is people mistaking self-love for indulgence. Self-love is super important when you’re working on your thoughts and feelings, but people sometimes think that operating from self-love means you can do whatever you want and cut yourself some slack. So, it’s time to talk about the difference between self-love and indulgence.

The truth is, self-love is not indulgence. Sure, cut yourself some slack when you need it, but indulgence is actually the opposite of self-love. Indulgence looks like hiding and avoiding because you’re not showing up for yourself with true self-love. So, where can you show yourself more love and less indulgence?

Tune in this week to discover where you’re choosing indulgence over self-love and the important differences between the two. I’m sharing how our brains find it so difficult to show ourselves compassion and some thoughts you can try to show up with more self-love...