We are at episode 100! I’m so proud to have reached 100 episodes in as many consecutive weeks, and I’ve learned a lot along the way. So, in this episode, I’m sharing the top lessons that have come out of making this podcast over the past two years.
There’s been a ton of growth since I started this podcast. My program has grown, helping more and more clients change their pornography habits. My team has grown so we can create more resources and help more people. But there have been lessons and challenges every step of the way, and I’m sharing them all with you in this episode.
Tune in this week to discover my top lessons from 100 episodes of Overcome Pornography for Good. I’m discussing what I’ve learned in regard to being productive without burning out, showing up with commitment and effort, how to make the difficult things fun, the importance of focusing on happiness as well as success, and the things that have kept me going on this podcasting journey so far!
You are listening to the Overcome Pornography for Good podcast episode 100, Top Lessons From 100 Episodes.
Welcome to the Overcome Pornography for Good podcast, the show that will teach you how to stop viewing pornography and never go back to it. If you want to learn how to train your brain out of a pornography habit, completely shame-free, then this is the show for you. I’m your host Sara Brewer, a certified life and faith-based coach.
Hey, you guys, welcome to the podcast this week. We are at episode 100, what the heck? That is so many. That's so many episodes. I'm really excited about that and proud that I have done 100 podcast episodes in 100 consecutive weeks. Pretty cool.
So what I want to share today are my top lessons that I've learned from this process of publishing 100 podcast episodes in 100 weeks. Before we dive into those lessons that I'm going to share with you, just a few announcements.
The first is that I do have another class, Five Easy and Proven Methods To Quit Viewing Porn in 2023 on Thursday. So I'm doing three or four of these classes this month. And so if you go to sarabrewer.com/fiveeasymethods, you can sign up for that. It's a great way to start 2023, especially if you're not in the program. And I don't do classes like this very often and this is one of those rare opportunities to work with me live if you are not part of the program, and it's totally free. So come to that.
The second announcement that I have is that the price for Overcome Pornography For Good, my lifetime access program, is going to be increasing at the end of the year. And I want to give you plenty of heads up so that you can come and join before January 1st, before the price increases and lock in at the current price.
So this program is lifetime access. When you sign up, you get access to it forever. You get access to all the updates, to all the things I'll be adding, all those things. And so if you sign up now with this current price, you will also get access to all the great things we're adding next year.
So we'll be adding quite a bit more marriage support, another call a month, so there will be two marriage calls a month. We'll be adding extra support group calls. We'll be adding more specialized workshops and calls, lots of fun stuff. So that will all continue to be available to you, even if you sign up with this lower price.
And remember, I do have payment plans. If you sign up for a payment plan, your payment plan will be locked at that price too. And so your payment plan won't go up at the end of the year. Your payment plan will be there, you'll make your six payments, and then you'll be done, and you'll have access to it forever. Our promise to you is that we work with you until you quit.
If you want to learn more about the program, what it includes, what the work looks like, the time it takes, all that stuff, I'm going to be talking about it in depth the last little bit of that free class that I'm offering this week. And so that's the best place to come and learn more about the program. I'll give you all the details, I'll be there to answer any questions you have. And then I also have some bonuses that I throw in for people who attend those classes.
So if you're really interested and maybe you want to join before the end of the year, go sign up for that class and at least attend the last half. The first half will be teaching, and I'll be sharing these five things. Even if you decide not to sign up for the program, you're still going to get so much value out of coming to this class. That's something that's really important to me, is that I offer a lot of value for free. And then for people who want any of the extra help, I have that for them too.
So don't think that you're going to come and, I know some people, they have these free classes and then they don't really teach you anything. They say, “Come join my program and you'll learn all the things.” That's not my goal here, I will teach you these five easy methods to quit viewing porn in 2023, and then at the end we'll talk about how to learn more and how to work with me a little bit more. So that's the best place to learn more. And then you can also go to sarabrewer.com/workwithme to see more details as well.
So let's hop into the content today, the top lessons I have learned from 100 episodes. So since, I mean, 100 episodes, there's been a lot of growth. The program has grown. We've had a lot of people, a lot more clients, my team has grown. The coaches that I've hired have grown, the resources have grown that we offer to people. There's been a lot of growth, and it's been really fun to see.
So the first lesson that I've learned is that 1% is better than 100%. I'm going to explain what this means. But this could be a whole episode on its own, this is really important. 1% is better than 100%. Doing 1% of work is better than expecting yourself to do 100% of work. What happens when we expect ourselves to do 100% of work is it's all or nothing. We try to do all the things and we burn out and we don't do any of it.
I saw this specifically with a client this last week. He was saying, “Help me with commitment. I'm just not committed.” And I said, why? Let's figure it out, talk. He’s like, “Well, it's just too hard. It's too hard, it takes too much effort, it takes too much energy.” We dove into it even more and the way he was thinking about it was 100%. When I really start diving into the program, I have to do this 100%. I have to set aside an hour every day. I have to process every single urge. I have to do all these things. And it's just too much.
And that was keeping him from doing anything. How many of us do this in so many areas of our life? It's not just with porn, and I see this pattern in myself, too. My brain wants to do that, like I'm either all in or I'm not doing anything. And so what I told him and what we worked around and what we came up with is, how can we make this easy and fun? And what's our minimum baseline here?
Five minutes a day, journaling on one question a day, one tiny part a day. Those one percents will add up, add up, add up, add up, add up. And the compounding effect of that will be massive, way bigger than if you try to do 100% right now. 1% is better than 100%.
And so there have been weeks with the podcasts where I look at my outline and I'm like, “This is not good enough. This needs to be better. There's so many things I can do better.” And when I get in that headspace, I have to remind myself, “You know what? We're shooting for B minus work here, I'm letting go of the perfectionism even though I didn't say my T’s in every single mountain that I said, we're still going to hit publish.”
That's a joke, if any of you heard me talk about the reviews that I got that said it's great except for she doesn't say her T’s and it's driving me nuts. And I occasionally get feedback from you guys saying, “You're still not saying your T’s.” It's because I'm from Utah, okay? We have this horrible accent here where we say Satan, and mountain, and Layten, and we forget the T's.
I have a sibling who is an actor and when she was going to school, she went to this really prestigious school for acting. And she had to get specific voice coaching because her accent from Utah was so bad. They really drilled it out of her that she has to say her T’s and whatever other weird things we do here.
So 1% is better than 100%. My 1%, my minimum baseline was just get something out there that helps people be just 1% better even if, you know, because when you're writing your outline I’m like, I want to say all these things, I want include all this thing, maybe I need to think about this more, and add this more, and do this more, right? All these things. And I just had to remind myself 1% better. If I can just help people be 1% more healed this week, I've done my job.
1% is better than 100%. So that's my goal when I do episodes, is just when I feel overwhelmed and there's all these things I want to share, and you'd think after 100 episodes I'd be out of things to say, but I'm not. There's still a lot of things to say. I just remind myself 1%. And not only is that better, because then I get things out, but it's better, right, it's way easier for you all to digest.
If I got on here and did a 10 hour podcast episode with all the things and just saying it as fast as I can, that's going to be really hard to digest. Little increments of 1% over and over and over and over again will lead to a much bigger change than 100%.
So my second thing, my second big lesson that I've learned from 100 episodes is that every goal is just in service of the next goal. What I mean by that is I've hit quite a few milestones that I'm super excited about and proud of. And something that I've learned after hitting each of these goals is that I'm not automatically happier once I've hit my goal.
In fact, what usually happens is it's like, “Oh, I hit that goal, great.” There's a little bit of like a rush for a minute, and then it's just on to the next goal. And if I'm not careful, I have to really celebrate, slow down, and take time to be happy with reaching the goal and then move on to the next goal.
So every goal is just in service of the next goal. I do not accomplish goals so that I am happier, it just does not work that way. So one thing I’ve really learned is I've had to build happiness skills along with success skills. The skills to be successful are different than the skills to be happy. Being successful and being happy are both worthy things that we should shoot for, but they're different skills.
And so this is really important because sometimes people will say, “Well, I don't want to be successful because I want to be happy.” Like somehow being successful means you're not going to be happy. That's just not true. Being successful does not mean you're going to be happy, but being successful does not mean you're not going to not be happy. It's a completely different thing. Being happy, having peace and happiness in your life are completely separate skills.
And so I found this out when I hit a milestone, one of my big ones that I'd been working on for a while. And this was last year, last October and I was just depressed. I hit that goal, I was happy for a minute, and then I was depressed because I was like, why am I not happier? Why did this not make me happy? Nothing in life is ever going to make me happy. If this didn't make me happy, nothing's going to make me happy. I have all the things, I have the success I want to have, the family I want to have.
I'm happy with where I'm at, right? But I'm just not happier, what the heck? And I fell into a bit of a depression. And that's when I learned this concept, that success skills are very different than happy skills. And although I've always been a little bit of an overachiever, first child syndrome overachiever, I have those skills of being successful, what I need to work on are my skills of being happy.
And so that's what I spent a lot of time doing this last year, and it's really changed my life. The biggest thing that I've done that has helped me build these happiness skills is being grateful and being present. It's so simple, but it's so extremely powerful for me. All I do is a simple journal exercise where I get into this gratitude energy and I think about all the things that have happened today or yesterday, just tiny little things that just make my heart joyous.
So I sit and I think, remember when Andy, my daughter, was so excited to see me this morning and she was just giggling? She’s just the cutest, she’s the best. Remember when I went to the grocery store, and I saw that sweet grandpa with his grandson, and he was buying him a candy bar? That was really sweet. Remember when I was sitting by the window and I just felt the sun on my face, how good that felt.
Just grateful for all these beautiful little moments in life and learning to be more present in day to day, that is the biggest thing that has increased my happiness levels. That along with, you know, there's other things I've been doing, which is healing trauma and doing some trauma therapy and exercising more, and adding good things to my body. Those have all been part of my happiness skills, but the being present and grateful is a really, really big one.
And so learning that every goal is just in service of the next goal, it helps me take the pressure off of myself. And it helps me learn to be happy and present with where I'm at, knowing that when I hit my next goal, that's awesome and that's fun. And I love building these skills of being successful, it allows me to do great things in my life. And it's also just in service of the next goal.
Because when I hit the next goal I'm just going to be looking forward to the next goal. When I hit the next goal it’s just going to be like this pattern over and over and over and over again. That's great, that's fine, that's exactly how it's supposed to be. But I’ve got to be careful that I'm not chasing happiness. I'm building happiness skills here and every goal is just in service of the next goal.
I want you to remember this with pornography. I talk about this quite a bit but remember, you can build those happiness skills right now, even if you haven't quit porn. And what you'll find is that the more you build those happiness skills, the presentness, the gratitude, and then also all the skills that we learn in program, right, mindfulness, being present, healing trauma, you will quit porn quicker.
So build your happiness skills before you quit porn. Don't wait to quit porn in order to be happy. Learn those skills now and that will actually help you quit porn even quicker.
And then lastly, the last thing I want to share, number three top lessons from 100 episodes is that service really is the best business model. So I hope you guys feel this in the podcast, but I try very hard to give so much goodness here. It is very important for me to make my free content extremely valuable. Because it's not totally free, you're paying me in your time to listen to this. And I want to honor that, and I want to respect that. And I want you to feel transformations from listening to this podcast alone.
And it's been so fun for me to go and read through all these reviews that I've gotten as I've started this podcast of just how many transformations you all are having and creating in your own life and how this podcast is helping you do that. I've learned that when I give and when I over deliver, my business grows.
So my business has grown quickly and large. And we have a bigger team, and we have a great program and all these things because my main focus is serving you, helping you, and not trying to like sneakily reserve things that you have to pay me for, right? I'm not about that, I'm not about that.
I try to over deliver in my free classes. I try to over deliver my podcast episodes. And then I really try to over deliver in my program, you know, make it at least 10 times more valuable than what you're paying for. I love this because I feel very in integrity with the programs I offer when I show up this way. I help more people when I show up this way. And I start to build trust with people when I show up this way. So that's, you know, that's a little business lesson. But it's a big one that I have learned from these past 100 episodes.
Okay, you guys, thanks for being here. Thanks for sharing it with your friends. Thanks for listening. We'll talk to you next week, bye bye.
I want to invite you to come and listen to my free class, How To Overcome Pornography For Good Without Using Willpower. We talk about how to stop giving into urges without pure willpower or relying on phone filters so that you can actually stop wanting pornography.
We talk about how to stop giving up after a few weeks or months. And spoiler alert, the answer isn't have more willpower. And then lastly, we talk about how to make a life without porn easily sustainable and permanent.
If you're trying to quit porn, this class is a game changer. So you can go and sign up at Sarabrewer.com/masterclass and it is totally free.